Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
