The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
