Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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