STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
