We need to rekindle our bromance
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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