If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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