when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
