is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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