i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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