Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
