I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
