my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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