Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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