The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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