I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
