i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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