Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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