I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize