I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
