i may or may not be watching the land before time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
