no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
