i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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