Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
