i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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