I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
