fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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