I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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