she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
