Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
