I am puke
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
as a side note pls kill me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
