You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
