And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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