Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
