Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
