So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
