It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize