i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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