i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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