i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Operation Purity has been aborted
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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