i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
