If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
