Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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