her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
