If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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