Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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