I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
