Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize