Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
