Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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