She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
