I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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