you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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