I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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