omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
