You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
