I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
