I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
