My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
