There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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