There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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