So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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