My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
