Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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