saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
