You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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