Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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