I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thus making me awesome and them whores
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
