i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
don't judge my taste in strippers
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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