i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
