I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
