Who wears a wallet chain?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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