They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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