PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
