Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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