haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
