I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
