last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
