Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize