I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
