He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
