pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
