I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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