a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
