dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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