he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
