return my video game
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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