I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
