you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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