Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
