my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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